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Experiencing Pet Loss, Grief and Bereavement

11/21/2010

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Recently I heard a child ask “why are dogs lives so short?” (on average 12-13 years).  The response that was given was impeccable.  The man stated that “people are born so that they can learn how to live a Good Life ~ like Loving Everybody all the time and being nice, right?  Well, dogs already know how to do that, so they don't have to stay as long.”

This inspired me to bring forth a very tough topic ~ When do we know it is the right time to euthanize our pet and let them go… peacefully?  Nothing can make this decision an easy or painless one, but it is truly the final unselfish act of love that we can make for our pet. 

An important first step is to evaluate our pet's health honestly and unselfishly with our veterinarian.  A client recently shared with me that when their family dog refused to eat their food and drink any water and was having difficulty standing up and became uninterested in life - All the signs became clear to her and she knew it was time.

When pre-grieving begins, some people can experience shock, anger, anxiety, denial and depression.  When a pet becomes sick, lost or dies human family members may experience hurt, anger, pain, depression, devastation, despair, guilt and grief.  Of course these are only a few of the emotions a person can feel when confronted with the loss of their pet.

Anger may be directed at the illness that killed their pet, the driver of the BMW driving way too fast, the veterinarian who "failed" to save its life, or even at god. Sometimes it is justified, but when anger is carried to extremes, it can distract us from the important task of resolving our grief.

Depression is a natural consequence of grief, but can leave us powerless and paralyzed to cope with our feelings.  Extreme depression can rob us of motivation and energy, causing us to dwell upon our sorrow and loss.


Guilt can occur if someone feels they are responsible for their pet's death or because they took for granted the short time they had with their pet.  Perhaps they feel that they did not give their pet enough attention or treats, leading to the "if only I had done more" syndrome.  It is pointless and often erroneous to burden ourselves with guilt for the accident or illness that claimed our pet's life since it only makes it more difficult to navigate through our grief. 

Denial can occur when it is difficult to accept that our pet is really gone.  It is hard to imagine that our pet won't greet us when we come home, or go for that evening stroll or cuddle up with us at night.  When someone’s pet goes missing, fear that their pet is still alive and suffering somewhere can become part of their reality.  I have also heard of some pet owners finding it very difficult to get a new pet for fear of being "disloyal" to their previous pet.  Another possibility is the quick acquisition of a new pet to replace the one that passed in order to avoid feeling the loss.  Ones own mortality can come into question when confronted with the existential realization that life does not go on forever.

This being said, it is important to take a moment and mention that everyone grieves at different rates and in different ways and this depends upon each individuals circumstance.  From a holistic perspective if we do not deal with our feelings and emotions of grief, the body and brain frequently takes over and will do it for us by manufacturing an illness or phantom pain.  Grief needs to be vented not discounted! 

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Our Beloved Pets

11/11/2010

4 Comments

 
Pets can play such an incredibly special role in our lives and sometimes their deaths can be more painful than those of our human family members.  Often the emotions that we experience towards our children or siblings are similar emotions we experience towards our pets.  Pets can play such a crucial part in our emotional, physical, and social well-being. 

We humans love our pets.  Sometimes we express affection to our pets more often than we do with our own human family members.  I recently heard from a client that their newly adopted family dog allowed an otherwise unaffectionate family to display physical affection for the first time and served as a way to connect all the family members.

Nowadays pets are so much more than just pets.  They have become true family members and crucial companions.  Research demonstrates that children with emotional traumas and learning difficulties are able to make better progress when animals are part of their treatment.  Animals can also trigger fond memories and allow humans to connect with nature in the most sterile environments.  I have seen first hand how touching Kaya’s furry little body has temporarily relieved a persons pain.

 
We rely on our pets.  We panic when we cannot find them. Sometimes we can get mad or frustrated with them but we also become sad and concerned when they are ill.  The feelings of loss and grief over a pet can be extremely intense for the survivors since our pets provide us with a unique relationship of fun, joy, uninterrupted listening, comfort, companionship, unconditional love and acceptance!  A pet’s death can hit us so hard since most humans engage in conditional love, where there are often strings attached unlike with our pets.
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Welcome to my brand spanking new website!!!

11/4/2010

1 Comment

 
Hello Everyone,

First of all I must express my gratitude to Christina at Pivotal Concepts for helping me to create this beautiful website.  Thank you so much Christina – you’ve done an absolutely amazing job bringing my vision to fruition!  What a gratifying project it’s been to co-create with you.


Today is the day I have decided to finally take action and start blogging.  So now I welcome ALL OF YOU to my very first blog.  You are invited to join me on my blogging journey and hopefully you will be able to take away some gems you find here as well as feel comfortable to share your experience and wisdom with the rest of us...



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