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Experiencing Pet Loss, Grief and Bereavement

11/21/2010

3 Comments

 
Recently I heard a child ask “why are dogs lives so short?” (on average 12-13 years).  The response that was given was impeccable.  The man stated that “people are born so that they can learn how to live a Good Life ~ like Loving Everybody all the time and being nice, right?  Well, dogs already know how to do that, so they don't have to stay as long.”

This inspired me to bring forth a very tough topic ~ When do we know it is the right time to euthanize our pet and let them go… peacefully?  Nothing can make this decision an easy or painless one, but it is truly the final unselfish act of love that we can make for our pet. 

An important first step is to evaluate our pet's health honestly and unselfishly with our veterinarian.  A client recently shared with me that when their family dog refused to eat their food and drink any water and was having difficulty standing up and became uninterested in life - All the signs became clear to her and she knew it was time.

When pre-grieving begins, some people can experience shock, anger, anxiety, denial and depression.  When a pet becomes sick, lost or dies human family members may experience hurt, anger, pain, depression, devastation, despair, guilt and grief.  Of course these are only a few of the emotions a person can feel when confronted with the loss of their pet.

Anger may be directed at the illness that killed their pet, the driver of the BMW driving way too fast, the veterinarian who "failed" to save its life, or even at god. Sometimes it is justified, but when anger is carried to extremes, it can distract us from the important task of resolving our grief.

Depression is a natural consequence of grief, but can leave us powerless and paralyzed to cope with our feelings.  Extreme depression can rob us of motivation and energy, causing us to dwell upon our sorrow and loss.


Guilt can occur if someone feels they are responsible for their pet's death or because they took for granted the short time they had with their pet.  Perhaps they feel that they did not give their pet enough attention or treats, leading to the "if only I had done more" syndrome.  It is pointless and often erroneous to burden ourselves with guilt for the accident or illness that claimed our pet's life since it only makes it more difficult to navigate through our grief. 

Denial can occur when it is difficult to accept that our pet is really gone.  It is hard to imagine that our pet won't greet us when we come home, or go for that evening stroll or cuddle up with us at night.  When someone’s pet goes missing, fear that their pet is still alive and suffering somewhere can become part of their reality.  I have also heard of some pet owners finding it very difficult to get a new pet for fear of being "disloyal" to their previous pet.  Another possibility is the quick acquisition of a new pet to replace the one that passed in order to avoid feeling the loss.  Ones own mortality can come into question when confronted with the existential realization that life does not go on forever.

This being said, it is important to take a moment and mention that everyone grieves at different rates and in different ways and this depends upon each individuals circumstance.  From a holistic perspective if we do not deal with our feelings and emotions of grief, the body and brain frequently takes over and will do it for us by manufacturing an illness or phantom pain.  Grief needs to be vented not discounted! 

3 Comments
Susanne
12/4/2010 09:59:00 am

Absolutely a marvellous effort. You
obviously put a lot of work and thought into your site and you are to be commended for it. You will be an major
asset to your Profession. Susanne

Reply
Bella link
12/6/2010 01:17:40 pm

Thank you Susanne,
I really appreciate you taking the time to check out my website. All the best, Bella

Reply
Grief Counselling Auckland link
7/5/2011 04:00:26 pm

"Well, dogs already know how to do that, so they don't have to stay as long."

Haha that's magic!

J.

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